XYZ

DK enjoyed his date. I was talking to him about it when I noticed that his fly was down. This is not the first time his pants have been unzipped during casual conversation. I said DK your fly is down. He zipped it. A second later I looked at it again. I said DK, your fly is still down. He zipped it again.

DK's white board

In a corner with a black border around it:
clean room
work out
be social

Outside of the corner with the black border:
make plans (this is underlined)
get hi
wisdom teeth
advisor appts
need coat hooks

DK has a date tomorrow night.

Money

DK gave me a check for money owed. He hadn't signed it.

Into the Abyss

Saturday I gave DK the rent bill. Today I asked him for the rent bill so we could figure out how much everyone owes (long story). I told him his room was disgusting. His response was "meh." There are a few knives with sleeping pill residue and pieces on top of his cabinets. DK was sick a few weeks ago. Dirty tissues are everywhere.

He looked for the bill for greater than or equal to five minutes before finding it.

Bike

DK locked his bike to the subway railing and it got stolen and/or cut off by the police. This is not the first time he has lost a bike.

Fly by Night

Dan Kahn's pants zipper unzips when he sits down.

Shoes

DK was trying to put on his shoes. He put his right shoe on his left foot.

Salsa and Coupons

DK couldn't open the salsa jar so Erika opened it for him. Every time I check the mail there is another Kohl's coupon waiting for him.

Herald Square

DK didn't know what or where Herald Square was or that it was a thing. He's been living in Manhattan for three years.

DK has been away from the apartment for greater than three hours but less than forty-eight hours. His room is empty and dark but is still blaring C-SPAN Radio on his computer's highest volume. There are at least twenty tabs open in his internet browser. He does not use a screen saver.

DK left a piece of grilled chicken in the sink.

DK got lost coming home from Bowery and Houston. We live at 16th and C. After much trouble, he hailed a cab. The cabbie charged him $45.

This morning Erika asked DK about a scab on his eyebrow. It was dried coffee.

DK was in the living room and I was in my room with the door closed. I heard a loud crash followed by DK yelling "I didn't break anything!"

DK was helping Erika open a pickle jar last night. She gave him the jar and the first thing he did was turn it sideways. She said no, don't do that, the pickles and the juice will all fall on the floor when you open it. He couldn't open it anyway.

Hello nonexistent readers. I told some friends I would start a blog about the wacky sitcom that is sharing a wall with a 20something whose initials shall remain DK for some low level of identity protection from the scary world of the internet. My other roommate and I observe his actions and I have been keeping a record of them and will post more as they happen. Here is the record thus far.


9/1/09
DK was in the kitchen preparing to make burgers. I was in my room. A few minutes later he motioned for me to go over there. I did. There was a pan over a burner with the stove set to "light" but no flame. The kitchen smelled like gas. I turned it off and relit the stove. I asked him if he had grown up with an electric stove. He said no. I said how do you not know how to turn on a stove? He said it was different than the one in Palladium.

9/1/09
DK was attempting to argue his point when he supposed that “What if the value of educating children is not a good value?”

9/2/09
DK forgot his keys. It is his second day living in this apartment.

9/2/09
DK and I were talking as he was on his way out of the apartment. He was pulling at the door repeatedly for some time. I said “DK, the door is locked” and he said “oh” and unlocked the door.

9/10/09
DK was whistling “Once Upon A December” from the movie Anastasia.

9/24
In the terrace level front door to our apartment, there was a note: “DK YOU LOST YOUR DRIVER’S LICENSE TO CLAIM IT PLEASE CALL 212-533-XXXX.

9/27
DK lost his wallet while biking home from a Mexican restaurant.

10/4
DK put dirty dishes in the dishwasher with clean dishes.

10/8
DK didn’t know how to close the refrigerator door.

10/10
DK didn’t know that utensils which touched raw meat will contaminate foods that are not raw meat.

10/14
DK didn't and still doesn't know how to work the drain in the tub.

10/18
DK spilled coffee on the bathroom rug. Because DK not only drinks coffee in the bathroom, but also drinks coffee in the shower, as evidenced by DK's coffee mugs on the window ledge inside the shower.

10/19
DK broke Erika’s razor while in the shower.

10/20
Last year while cleaning up fake blood, DK didn’t know that you were allowed to use the rough side of a sponge.